Nine Days till Christmas!!!!

What do you do when someone one in your family has their life falling apart during the holidays?

For me this is too familiar a scenario.

Twenty-six years ago at Christmas time I found myself homeless with two boys.

My father had just dropped dead and my husband wanted a divorce after fifteen years of marriage and twenty years together.

Christmas Day I moved out of our home leaving behind the life I had once dreamed of. The next day when Christmas was over my family came from out-of-town to help us move the furniture.

I have not enjoyed a Christmas since then. I have been to many celebrations and put on a happy face for my sons, but my heart was gone.

What happens to a person when they experience a severe loss during the holiday season?

Loss during holidays is the worse thing that can happen to a person because you relieve it every holiday even when you try not to.

For years we tried to make new traditions and change things to forget. But you can’t it is still there.

Finally I thought my family was becoming a family again and four years ago little by little it seemed like there might be a chance at having hope of traditional family Christmas’s and cheer and happiness. Then My oldest son split with his fiance around the holidays. He made the best of what we could for him but it wasn’t the same.

Now my youngest is going through his separation with his finance. No one knew until Thanksgiving what was going on not even my son.

All his hopes and dreams for Christmas and her birthday celebration were shattered.

Now all that is left in his house is quiet and a bunch of boxes packed. He doesn’t know when she will be leaving just that she is. She is taking the dogs that he loves so much.

She refuses to talk to him. However, she made her bed and she mad choices to choose friendships over him. She chose to hurt him beyond repair.

Now I spend every night on the phone with him talking him through it. It is better I don’t go to the house until she is gone so that there is no chance of a confrontation.

So while everyone else is getting ready for Christmas my family is trying to figure how we can once more avoid the pain of it.

We have talked about everything from religion to totally different traditions, to leaving town.

The fact is that no matter what we do “IT is What it Is!”

Old scars have been reopened for my children, new scars added on. Hope of a family once had is dwindled.

Belief that anyone even cares is dashed like the ocean hitting rocks.

A mother’s dreams of happiness for her family is once more stripped away and the saddest part is she can’t protect her sons from the pain of the world.

Jesus entered this world under a bright star with love and awe. However, however, his life wasn’t a life that was easy. He came from a simple life, he was different and misunderstood . He grew up to be criticized and ridiculed and he left this world in pain and anguish.

Is this the cycle of life that we are meant to know?

How does one answer are you ready for Christmas when you can’t even think about Christmas? How does one prepare for a time that should be joyous when you are going through the worst time in your life?

How does one survive repeatedly being reminded year after year about their unhappy life when they see others celebrating jubilantly?

I am a religious person and I have my faith to keep me strong however, my sons have learned to question it over the years. I will be strong for my sons again this year but it will take its toll.

How many people are going through this alone every year while others shop and experience the Christmas spirit.

There is not one decoration in our homes. Not one present bought. There are only nine days to see what will be.

I do not write about this to get anyone’s sympathy but how many other people are going through this kind of pain and what can they do to change their outlook fo Christmas?

In today’s world of loose morals and lack of family traditions so much has been lost. How does one hope to survive and move forward. It is a time in our world’s history when traditions and family support are needed more than ever.

It is a time when families help each other financially to survive.

It is a time when those that have extra pass it forward as a woman did yesterday in a mall when she paid for other people’s lay a ways and gifts.

Share what you can. Bring some little piece of joy into another persons life. My son goes to work everyday and works with the public. He helps them purchase the  special Christmas gift for a loved one, family or home. He has to keep a smile on his face. His co-workers support him but when all is done at the end of the day the house is empty and lonely.

There are no joyous memories to look forward to. Loosing his dogs is causing great pain. So he finds what comfort he can in talking to his mother on the phone until it’s bedtime.

In the end all we can really do is be there for each other. Be a good listener, know when to agree and when to give constructive advice and when to be non-committal.

Therefore learning from my own experience the best I can say to anyone going through this is “IT IS WHAT IT IS!”

Don’t look for answers there are none. Don’t look for blame because you can find fault in all. Don’t wonder about what you will never understand it will drive you crazy.

Accept “IT IS WHAT IT IS!”

Move forward at your own pace and live your life the best you know how. It does no one any good to look back and wonder.

You can’t change the past you can only improve on the future.

So as we enter the next nine days of Christmas. Be kind to one another. Show love, think about those around you. Notice who is the one that helps but never asks in return.

Make a new tradition this year give something extra to someone you normally wouldn’t be it at the box boy at the grocery store, a cab driver, or the sales clerk in your favorite store. You might just give them the only Christmas they will be getting.

Instead of putting Christmas in a box, this year think out of the box and give love and true appreciation from your heart.

Let your actions speak louder than words and let your true love ring out louder than all the bells and angels around.

Let this be the year that love showers all.

Our song for the day is:

Love Came Down At Christmas lyrics at Christmas

Love came down at Christmas
Love all lovely, love divine;
Love was born at Christmas
Stars and angels gave the sign.

Worship we the Godhead
Love incarnate, love divine;
Worship we our Jesus
But wherewith for sacred sign?

Love shall be our token
Love shall be yours and love be mine
Love to God and to all men
Love for plea and gift and sign.

About this song Love Came Down At Christmas

“Love came down at Christmas” was written by Christina Rossetti in 1885. The music is based on a traditional Irish melody.

May you all be blessed with the love of Christ and filled with the holiday spirit. May this holiday season bring everyone the happiness they deserve. Until tomorrow be safe and share 🙂

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